It Isn’t Embarrassing To Have A Boyfriend — It’s Embarrassing That We’re Still Judging Women’s Choices

When I read Vogue’s “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, my first thought was: why are we still doing this to each other?

I understand the impulse. We’ve spent generations being told that a woman’s value depends on whether she’s chosen; by a man, by a marriage, by motherhood. So yes, it’s understandable that the modern women might want to reject that script entirely. But what struck me about the article and the reactions to it was the quiet judgment threaded through the celebration of that rejection.

Because let’s be honest: calling relationships “embarrassing” isn’t feminism. It’s just a new form of segregation.

When Empowerment Becomes Another Cage

I’ve been single. I’ve lived alone, travelled alone, healed alone. I loved the independence, the clarity, the quiet that came with it. It taught me who I was outside of anyone else’s reflection. But that season doesn’t make me superior to the version of myself who’s in a relationship now.

Today, I’m with someone and I post about it sometimes. Not because I need validation, but because love can be something to celebrate. My partner has brought a lot of good into my life and into my daughters’ lives. He’s kind, grounded, and part of the stability I’ve worked hard to build.

That doesn’t mean I’m blind to the other side of it. Having the wrong boyfriend, when you’re a self-sufficient, emotionally intelligent woman, can be draining, even soul-eroding. Too many modern women have found themselves in relationships where they’re expected to be the therapist, the nurturer, and the emotional backbone all at once. The truth is, modern men do need to buck up. They need to add value, to evolve, to meet women where we are not pull us backward into old hierarchies disguised as tradition.

But I also believe we’re in a collective evolution. We’re all shifting from the old status quo of gender roles and many men are part of that shift. There are men who are self-aware, who want to grow, who stand by women’s rights not out of obligation, but from genuine understanding. There are men learning to lead and to follow, to protect and to be vulnerable, to love without possession.

The Problem With “The Tide Is Shifting”

Every time someone declares that “the tide is shifting,” it usually means a new label has arrived to tell women what they should or shouldn’t be. Once it was “good wife,” then “career girl,” now it’s “emotionally unavailable feminist.”

The tone may change, but the message doesn’t: there’s a right way to be a woman. What we should or shouldn’t be proud of. How we should decide on what is palatable for our social media. 

Yes, I too lost followers once I posted that I was no longer single. A lot of those followers were single men who would DM me regularly. There was a time I was regularly blocking desperate males. I say that without ego, I can only imagine it’s the same for the majority of single women posting online. I wasn’t sad to see them go. And to any female followers I lost; it’s their prerogative to decide on what they find interesting to view. If they find relationship posts irksome, that’s their choice. Life isn’t about how many followers you have. Yes, it might be indicative of the consensus around boyfriend posts. But I still choose not to feel personally offended and instead follow my own authenticity. 

Women aren’t tides. We’re not trends. We’re human beings who evolve, who have seasons of solitude, love, grief, growth, stillness. We’re allowed to want connection without losing credibility. We’re allowed to love our partners and ourselves simultaneously.

Real empowerment is quiet. It doesn’t need to announce what’s cool or cringe. It’s knowing that whether you’re single or partnered, posting your love or keeping it private, you’re still enough.

Feminism Isn’t A Club — It’s Freedom

The idea that sharing your relationship online is “embarrassing” misses something vital: the difference between being performative and being open, authentic and proud.

I don’t post to prove I’m loved, I post because I am. Because after years of healing from abuse, fear, and isolation, joy feels like a rebellion. Love isn’t my whole identity, it doesn’t define me, but it’s part of the life I’ve built and that deserves space, too.

So no, it’s not embarrassing to have a boyfriend. It’s also not embarrassing to embrace being single. Both are equally powerful. What’s embarrassing is pretending that empowerment only looks one way.

Feminism doesn’t belong to the single, the partnered, or the in-between. It belongs to anyone living from truth rather than expectation.

And that’s not a trend. That’s freedom.